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Shit.

[He pulls a knee up to his chest, worry churning deep in the pit of his stomach. He doesn't want to leave Ragna alone when he's like this, but he'd seen what happened to those two students. He's not sure what the ghost might do to him, someone who cares about Ragna's well-being.]

And you've just been alone this whole time? Ragna, have you talked to anyone about this? Tell me there's a plan in place.

The longer I spend around other people, the worse it gets what the hell do you think?

[Of course he's alone. He can't drag anyone who can't fight into this. She just keeps screaming... she won't stop and there's an immense pain that ran so deep in being alone.

Like it was more than his pain.]

... Blade and Venti are the only ones who know. [The two with most experience in something like this getting bad. From Ragna's first hand experience anyway, he didn't know what Cabbot went through.]

[Noctis runs through what options he can offer, which…are nonexistent, essentially. He won’t put his cousin and that pink-haired photographer at risk, so Caleb’s place is out. He doesn’t want Ragna’s possessor within twenty feet of the Ring of the Lucii, sitting inside a safe in his apartment.

He runs a hand through his hair, heart twisting in his chest. If only he could help.]

Well, you definitely do look like hell.

[A pause, as he sorts out a stopgap solution in his head.]

Have you ever heard of dead drops? Two people can’t be seen meeting, so they agree on a place that they can visit at different times. One of them drops off important stuff, the other picks it up.

[He breathes out.]

I just—want to make sure you’re okay. Even if your possessor dislikes me.

No shit. [He hasn't slept properly in two and a half weeks, this is worse than when he just travelled around the European countryside as a vagabond destroying what signs of Krusnik he could.

Ragna wanted to ask why Noctis fucking cared. What it matters to him. But maybe it's just... the king in him or some shit. Kings are supposed to care about their people, right? Even if it wasn't, this guy went to Blade's labyrinth barely knowing him so he's just... a fucking busybody like everyone else in this town.

Which made Ragna want him involved even less.]

I've heard of 'em, yeah. But you really don't wanna risk being anywhere around me. You just got your cousin back from whatever that Metaverse place is, right? Don't get yourself hurt when you still have him to watch.

[...]

I don't know when or how she's gonna decide she's had enough. But I'm gonna make sure I'm no where near the city when it happens.

[Why does it matter? Because they all owe each other a measure of responsibility, if you ask him. Because no one can truly go it alone, something Noctis has long known—he might have died alone, but his friends helped him fulfill his destiny, helped him bring back the dawn. Because Ragna’s a friend and he just—needs for him to be okay.]

I’m not going to get myself hurt—but I don’t want you to burn yourself out, either. You deserve better than that.

[It’s really because of Caleb that he’s even being as careful as he is. If not for his cousin he’d be getting to his feet and trying to approach Ragna anyway, but as things stand, he just leans back on his palms, making no move to get up.

Even when Ragna says he’ll leave town. But the shock and sorrow that flicker across his face is enough of a hint as to how much he does not like that plan.]

…so you’re going to disappear, too? [How many does this make? His mother, Sam, Aventurine, his father—he ought to be used to this, by now. And he’s clearly trying to be calmer about this, lifting a hand and scrubbing it over his face.] I’m—sorry, that’s not fair. It’s safer that way, I know, it’s just—is that the best plan you have? When she takes you over, you’re away from anyone who can help you?

[Does he deserve better, though? He's made peace with the fact that he's been a mass murderer in both lives. In this one it's just a mercy for most of the assholes who've fallen to his power anyway.

There's just a "Tch" noise in response to that, as if he doesn't believe he deserves that. Maybe if he was faster back then and could have saved someone in his family.

He didn't pick up on Noctis' expression, but his tone said it all. And with no other way to respond, he took a tone that would almost sound like he's scolding if not for the swearing.]

If you know it's safer then why the fuck are you asking?! Life isn't always going to give you the best options to fucking take, that's why you take what you do have and don't let it fucking go like your family!

[He'll always respond in anger first, always his knee jerk reaction. But he did continue, slightly quieter.]

I don't know. Blade's got something he can use to stop her from using my power... how they're gonna get rid of her... I don't know.

[...]

I might disappear. I might not. But I'll be damned if I'll do any of those without a fight. [Maybe deep down he's sick of being on the run. Maybe he doesn't want to disappear. Maybe he knows with what little time he has left... he's got the fucking power to do something with a possible freedom. To make sure no one's dreams are taken by a forced contract again.]

[A real anger sparks up behind his voice as he says:] Maybe because I’m sick of letting people go, how about that? Call me selfish for it, fine—I’m not the king, I get to be selfish. [He says, willing to put himself on the line every time.] I just don’t want you to vanish into thin air too.

[He is so sick and tired of being the one left behind.]

Get a Catholic priest to perform an exorcism? [He pauses, then shakes his head.] No, that’s probably not a good idea. The other one’s charging into the Spirit Realm to kill her and get you out, and while that worked out for Blade—I don’t know if it’ll work again.

[A pause.]

I would, though. Go into the Spirit Realm to get you out. And there’s plenty of other people who would, too, I’m sure.

[Quieter than usual as if he didn't want someone to hear:] Why?

[But... he shook his head. Like it or not Ragna felt the worst thing he could. Familiarity of not wanting to let anyone go. Ragna lost everything, everyone. Died or worse by Krusnik and they're never coming back.

Fucking... if he could he'd also want to make sure he doesn't lose anyone else. That's the whole reason he either needs to disappear or needs to get this shitheel ghost out of his head.

Then maybe he can see whatever light Venti went on about.]

Nevermind. Don't answer that. ["I answered it myself" isn't said nor implied, but maybe Noctis could figure it out.]

Yeah my problem isn't Catholic, genius. [She's Buddhist. ... Wait, why does he know that?]

... It worked for someone else before it worked for Blade. I don't want to count on that but I have to. I'm fucking sick of waiting and being a puppet.

[He's sick of his fate being in someone else's hands. He'd love to handle this himself.]

I'm not gonna tell you what you can or can't do. Whatever you do, just make sure you get back to your cousin in one piece.

ic contact: kaisou

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