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Yeah... it is.

[Ragna wasn't going to bring this up at all. But Harumasa would understand better than anyone else would. As a Big Brother who had to help raise kid siblings. Though Ragna's was more out of wanting to help their mother than sheer necessity.

It was hard not to think about it.]

The day everything happened I was out. I've been asking myself this whole time... "what if I was home or a little bit faster?" Thinking stupid shit now like "what if I didn't look for them hard enough?" I'm their Niisan, goddammit. I should've been with them the whole time. Instead Johan ended up going from one shitty cult to another.

He found the Black Order.

[Harumasa does understand. The doubt, the what ifs, the terrible guilt. Seeing the future doesn't always mean it will come to pass, though he's gotten very good at feeling that out. But that doesn't make it feel any better.

If anything, it makes it feel worse.]

And now he's found you.

[Harumasa reaches out his hand to Ragna and lays it flat on the table, palm up. If the other man wants to hold it, the offer is open.]

We don't know what might have happened if you'd stayed that night. Maybe you would've been too far from Aoko-chan and she wouldn't have saved your life. But I know that you know all of this already. It doesn't change the guilt.

[He looks up into Ragna's eyes, or as much as he can anyway. His golden eyes have always been piercing, far too perceptive, sometimes haunted, sometimes far away. But his gaze is on Ragna, in the present, and perhaps painfully empathetic.]

I don't know if there's anything I can possibly say that will help, but I'm here, Ragna. I'm here to stay. [For as long as he possibly can.] Even if it's just to listen to your full story or share in your regrets, I'm here for you.

Tch... [It wouldn't change the guilt. It wouldn't at all. It wouldn't change how he was being choked by his own emotions and has been since stepping foot in the Library of Alexandria. The irritated click of his tongue wasn't even towards anyone. Not even necessarily towards himself.

It was at the situation for being this way. For him not having any other outlet or explanation to push these stupid feelings back.

Then Harumasa held out his hand.

Much like Ragna held his out to Harumasa many times. From the day they met, to the times in this city. Ragna didn't ever reach out expecting reciprocation or even acceptance.

But saying he didn't need it right now was a lie.

So with his still flesh and blood hand, he took Harumasa's. His voice small, hesitant. He's only ever told Venti anything in detail about his family. He still didn't feel ready to, but the cat was out of the bag anyway.

And if it's Harumasa...

He held that hand tighter.]

... I know you guys saw some shit from the past when you saved me from Aoko's realm. How much do you already know from that?

[Harumasa holds Ragna's hand back firmly. A silent promise that he won't let go.]

I remember that there had been people talking outside of the house before it went up in flames, but I never knew how much of that was from your past life and how much from this one. I also know you were looking for someone in one of the Krusnik facilities, but... same problem. Just with the added layer of whether it was Aoko-chan's bleeding through, too.

[...]

That said... I've always guessed that you knew someone with Elemental Aptitude Regression Syndrome. You seemed very familiar with it. It just never felt right to ask.

Yeah. My little sister. I'm the oldest of three, so I had to look after everyone. For her... it affected her whole immune system. Just about everything could lead to her getting sick. And it's not like we had a lot as it is. We struggled, the three of us and our Mom. But we made do.

[They had better healthcare, to be certain. But they still weren't well off.

Thinking about his little sister again, who he endlessly doted and worried over... in both this life and the last...

Well, thank god for Harumasa's firm grip. It kept him together.]

What I went through isn't that different from what you saw. What "Ragna the Bloodedge" went through. I learned to hate everything. I didn't care what I risked as long as I destroyed them all. Nothing else mattered, that was the reason I was alive.

But...

[He managed to not lose his entire humanity through that rampage. Why else would he have bothered to save Harumasa? It's because even in the darkness that broiled in his heart, there was a spark of hope. A flame in the abyss.]

I didn't even realize I was still hoping they were alive until I spent a good while in this town.

It's unbelievable how much Johan's changed. I always wanted him to grow up but... not fucking like this. I should have been the only one who needed to grow up quick. He should have gotten to be a stupid scared little shit kid for just a little longer...!

[Harumasa moves so that instead of being directly across from Ragna, he's more next to him. Yet, as his friend speaks of Johan more emotionally, he gently puts his other hand over Ragna's so that he's cradling it gently. He brings the other man's hand closer to his side of the table. It's his hope to bring some warmth and comfort to him if in a small way.]

Of course you didn't. [His voice is soft, but there's also a firmness underneath it.] ... You're a good brother, Ragna. You did your best; you looked out for him and your sister. Even when you succumbed to hatred and pain, you still searched for them. You still kept them in your heart.

[Harumasa's moving closer did as much to frustrate Ragna as to comfort. How was he supposed to hide the tears forming at the edge of his eyes if he didn't want to pull his hands back? What kind of idiot would move away from warmth when the cold loneliness and guilt were setting in to a dangerous point?

He managed to blink the tears away when averting his gaze for just a moment with a single quick shake of his head. Not a denial of Harumasa's words, just shaking off the whimper that threatened to escape.

As much as he struggled to believe Harumasa in this moment.]

I always did. I always will.

They're my family. I was always gonna look out for them.

[When they get lost or hurt, big brother will always be there for them. That was what an older sibling had to do.]

[His heart truly hurts for Ragna. Part of him wants to get up and hug him protectively, but he refrains from indulging that impulse for now (9). It might change, but for now he simply holds the other man's hands. Absently, Harumasa rubs his thumb comfortingly over the back of one of them.]

I don't doubt that. I know you, Ragna, and so do they. So... I don't think they would doubt you, either.

[Harumasa doesn't know for sure. After all, he doesn't know Ragna's siblings. But it's not a sin to hope.]

I'll stay the night with you, if you want.

[It's weird. One of Ragna's hands is not organic, but he could swear he felt the warmth of that soothing gesture in both. Harumasa could almost certainly feel Ragna's pulse quickening. And if not for that, he would see Ragna's face start flushing, hence the warmth. He could not pull his thoughts away from one thing or another. Either his guilt about leaving his siblings behind.

Or how nice Harumasa's hands felt (5). He went quiet for a long moment, just thinking about that. And how as much as he hated being bothered it'd be nice to have someone to bounce off of between him and Johan just so he can figure out what to do easier.

He hadn't processed that Harumasa asked him something.]

...

[If Harumasa hadn't been certain of Ragna's feelings towards him before, he sure as hell is now. He just doesn't know the kind of power he really wields over this man (9). Like right this second.

The young archer waits for a moment to get the other man's reply. When it doesn't come, he blinks curiously.]

Ragna?

[If there's still no answer, Harumasa will casually get up a little closer to Ragna's face.]

Earth to Ragna! Did you even hear what I said?

H-Huh?!

[Oh god, Oh god why is Harumasa deeper in his personal space bubble?! Oh God, Ragna hasn't said fuck or shit yet. Oh God, hold on he has to reboot after overheating because this man is so flushed right now.

He doesn't even realize how fucking obvious he's being.

Okay, good fucking christ, L+R+Select+Start (19).

Okay... Ragna looked aside, focusing on something on the corner of the table for just long enough to get his thoughts together. And recall what Harumasa asked him. "I'll stay the night with you, if you want."

... That didn't help the feelings, this sucks. And well. He didn't have it in him to decline.]

Y-Yeah I heard you, dammit! [only just.] If you want to... I'm not gonna stop you.

[I understood that reference.

Anyway, Harumasa looks amused by Ragna's reaction, at least. He sits back down once his 'friend' looks away and answers him. With a chuckle, the young man answers with warm, disarming sincerity.]

Then, that's what I'll do. I know it's hard, but I'm not about to let your guilt win today.

[He releases one of Ragna's hands to rest his arm casually over the back of the chair, and looks over his shoulder.]

Should probably let your brother know I'm here before he comes back.

[That sincerity is the most infuriating thing about Harumasa. Because Ragna can't just yell at it. Not anymore, anyway. Not since he saw the guy stare at the sky for hours when they first escaped.

God, what's he supposed to do...

... He'll just let Johan know what's up.]

... Yeah. I'll shoot him a text. [Just a quick Someone else is staying over tonight. While he also screams about other shit in the meanwhile.]

[Unfortunately for Ragna, it's at that moment that the door creaks open, and Jon, a plastic bag of groceries hanging off his elbow and a Yorkshire terrier trotting beside him, says:]

Niisan, I'm back, I stopped by the corner store to get...some...snacks......

[A beat.]

Niisan is that your boyfriend.

[Wow.

Absolutely no filter in this family, is there?

Still! Harumasa takes it in stride. He gives the laziest wave in the world at Jon with a grin, and subtly moves his other hand so that it's not holding Ragna's anymore. He has tact, alright.]

Hey, there~! I'm Harumasa Asaba, nice to meet you. I'm a boy and a friend of Ragna's, thanks for noticing. Just crashing here for the night 'cause I started feeling sick and weak while taking a walk earlier, and Ragna's such a good, kindhearted friend that he's let me stay until tomorrow to recover~!

[Absolutely no filter.

Only volume, shown by Ragna immediately (and while still blushing like crazy) shouts at his little brother. You'd think he wasn't just on the verge of tears at the thought of what he'd been through.

Blissfully unaware of the relative fluency in the room, Ragna's shouting starts in Swedish.]

He is NOT my BOYFRIEND, you shitheel!

[He'll take Harumasa's excuse, though.]

[Jon blinks at Harumasa, eyes narrowing briefly at him as if he's trying to figure him out. Really, it's just that he's blanking on what to say to someone who is (probably?) his brother's boyfriend. His brother. Is interested? In romance? Has a boyfriend?]

...it's a pleasure, Mr. Asaba. [A beat, as Jon struggles to recall his social niceties. Unfortunately he finds himself falling back on something Sansa said a lifetime ago, so he awkwardly adds:] Your name sounds very nice.

[Girls like it when he says they have pretty names, surely guys like it too?

To Ragna, in Swedish, volume turned up a notch:] You don't have to deny it! Just tell me next time before you invite him over, or hang a sock on the door so I don't barge into anything!

[Harumasa blinks and tilts his head slightly in curious yet cute confusion. Truly he is a cat. Though, he laughs gently when he's called 'Mr. Asaba.']

Just call me Harumasa! I'm nowhere near old enough to be a "Mr. Asaba." [But hearing someone say that, awkwardly but sincerely, Harumasa can feel his heart melt a little.] Aw, thank you. That's the nicest thing someone's ever said to me~!

[... Holy shit, though. The yelling is hereditary. Harumasa's casually going to pull out his phone.]

Uh, guys? You know I can—

[On the one hand, Ragna knew Harumasa would be nice to his baby brother and he's happy and glad even if Johan is still a bit shy.

On the other he's aboutta put this know-nothing into a headlock.]

D-Don't fucking say shit like that, are you INSANE?! Who the fuck TAUGHT you shit like that?! And anyway it's not gonna goddamn happen! I don't CARE if

["I like him", he will manage to keep a fucking lid on saying that though. Ragna A. Mercurisson, suffering from success (18 :pensive:).]

--you're grown now, hearing my little brother say that is weird!!

[English again to Harumasa, gesturing to Jon:]

That's Johan, my little shit brother that I'm about to throw into the goddamn harbor.

Call me Jon. It's, um. I'm glad to see Ragna's made friends.

[He's sincere to Harumasa, a little stilted as it is in his attempt to at least seem polite. It's been ages since he needed to be polite, usually he let other people do the talking and just kept watch. This is strange and new for him.

As for Ragna, he switches seamlessly back to irate Swedish:]

I'm twenty-two years old, did you think I was never going to learn about that?! What's weird is mine own brother invited someone over while I was out! You have good taste, he seems very friendly, but still! [Mine own brother, he says, in a slightly more archaic accent that blurs into the Swedish for a second, then leaves just as quickly.]

What in seven hells do you mean, you're clearly blushing!! [A beat.] I'm not ordering rainbow socks for you, I'm not breaking up my aesthetic!

Yeah, he's simultaneously good and bad at it. It's a talent.

[He opens his mouth to try again to tell the brothers that he's fluent in Swedish and knows exactly what they're saying. But... yeah, no, there's no way he's going to be heard by them at the moment. So, Harumasa will just have to tell them at the funniest possible moment instead for revenge.

The young archer records some of the loud Swedish men arguing and sends it to a certain someone. Harumasa's having a great time, even if they are talking about the nature of his and Ragna's relationship as if he can't understand them.]

I wasn't exactly TRYING to "make friends", you guys are just pains in the asses and wouldn't leave me alone!

[And he would not trade them for the world, any of them. He never had friends until he came to this town two years ago, and they mean the world to him just like his little brother.

... You know, the one he's still shouting at in their first language and threatening.]

Yeah, twenty-two and still a fucking short stack I can and WILL put in a headlock! And so the fuck what if I invite him over?! It's still my place, I don't need a goddamn reason besides I wanted Harumasa over!

[Which worked with Harumasa's excuse and was said in a way that could give juuust enough plausible deniability but also he's starting to forget how to keep words back (7 cause i said so).]

I AM NOT BLUSHING. [He is blushing.]

That rather sounds like him. It's good to know that he found people who care about him just as much as we did, while we were gone.

[He relaxes a little bit further, even letting himself smile a little. At least...at least there's that. Better than his once-siblings, alone in dangerous places, unable to trust anyone because who knew who would sink a knife into their backs.

Anyway, back in Swedish, his accent growing increasingly archaic:] I'm not saying don't! I truly do not mind if you bring him over, but just tell me so I don't interrupt whatever it is you were clearly planning on doing!

Yes you bloody well are, do you think me a blind fool?!

[He returns the smile.]

He's got a lot of good friends. I'm just lucky to be one of them. [Fully aware he's only going to add fuel to the fires of their argument, Harumasa 'innocently' says:] Ragna rescued me a long time ago, so it's really only since January this year that we were able to reconnect. It's been... eight years, I think, since we last saw each other.

[This argument is only getting funnier and funnier to Harumasa. He's happy to look entirely clueless while it goes on.]

Oh fucking please, I told you to lift better lines from movies than that.

[Except he's also blushing more, relieved that that day while he did not find his brother or sister he found someone so important to him.

But the yelling continues. Just regular introducing family to situationship things.]

We weren't gonna be DOING anything! And maybe you ARE fucking blind because I'M NOT BLUSHING.

[He is extremely blushing.

Except.

... wait a minute.]

... Why are you talking like that?

ic contact: kaisou

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